Better sex workshops
what are better sex workshops?
informal, fun & inclusive relationships & sex education workshops for adults.
workshops involve facilitated group discussions, activities, reflections & games designed to support participants to develop the skills necessary for better- more authentic, pleasurable & connected- sex & relationships.
The sexual script
Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Our culture, history, experiences & values all come with us into the bedroom. This workshop provides space for participants to reflect upon & challenge the sexual norms of our society & the effect these have on our lives. Through interactive, guided discussions and activities we unpack ideas about what sex is, why we have it, where we learnt about it, what we learnt, what the effects of these lessons are and how we might we overcome them.
the sexual script
fantasy & kink
Most of us have fantasies & desires that don’t align with our politics & values in ways that can feel confusing, shameful & scary. We get taught that there are certain things that are unacceptable to desire (let alone do), even in the privacy of our own imaginations. This workshop is an opportunity to challenge the stigma often attached to practises labelled kinky, taboo or fetishistic & non-judgmentally explore what fantasies might ‘mean’, & how to engage with the intense, intimate, emancipatory potential of exploring kink sexuality with authenticity, safety and curiosity.
*suitable for everyone, whether or not they identify as ‘kinky’. No knowledge / experience with terminology / practices of kink community assumed
fantasy &
kink
The romantic script
We’re taught a particular script; we should seek a partner (a soulmate, the One) to be one anothers’ best friend, lover, roommate, carer & co-parent combined, until one of us dies- deviating much from this script = sad, bad &/or dysfunctional. In this workshop we investigate this script & explore how our romantic expectations interact with the basic human needs for connection & autonomy. We delve into the emotional intensity- love, infatuation, jealousy, joy, insecurity, betrayal, conflict-aversion, anger, loneliness, shame, claustrophobia & heartache/break- that arises when swiping, dating, hooking-up, fwb-ing, cheating & committing, & identify how to maximise authenticity & connection in our own relationships.
the romantic script
bad sex
This workshop explores the complexity of sexual consent & the differences between good sex, bad sex and sexual violence- a fraught subject often handled without nuance or compassion. By exploring scenarios depicting how we actually feel & communicate with sexual partners, we move away from simple binaries & instead embrace the complexity that exists between denying the reality of sexual violation and oversimplifying it. For the most seasoned anti-SV advocates as well as those who’ve never thought about consent beyond ‘no means no’, this workshop will refine your understanding of what it means to actually consent to have sex with someone, and what it means not to.
bad sex
pleasure
Quite rightly, those of us involved in work to do with sex and gender spend a lot of time focusing on sexual violence- its causes and effects and ways we can prevent it and support those who have survived it. What is often missing or marginalised in these conversations is an exploration of why many of us have sex in the first place- for pleasure. This workshop is an inclusive and sex-positive investigation into what sexual pleasure means and an exploration of ways to experience as much of it as possible.
pleasure
trauma isn't sexy
What actually is trauma & how does it affect our bodies & minds? This workshop aims to empower participants with accessible psycho-education on how our experiences & mental health affect our capacity to feel desire, arousal & pleasure. We unpack what it means to be ‘triggered’ & how to navigate when sex is triggering for ourselves &/or partners. Trauma is fundamentally disempowering, insight can be empowering; this is a contained, non-judgmental space in which participants are invited to develop their awareness & understanding about trauma.
*You/ your partner do not have to have experienced (sexual) trauma for this workshop to be relevant to you
trauma isn't sexy
other
I can also develop & deliver shorter, bespoke Better Sex Workshops on other topics. Previous examples include;
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Better Swiping: Finding What You Want from Online Dating
Queer Scripts: Beyond Top or Bottom
Poly & Jealous: Ethical Non-monogamy & When Feelings Make It Really Hard
Porn isn't Good or Bad
Going Open: Best Practise for navigating Monogamy- Non-monogamy Pipeline
WHY?
Most of us were never provided any formal sex or relationships education.
Instead we’ve done our best to learn about what sex & intimacy involve from the informal sex ed available; the internet, TV, films, porn, family, friends, partners, books, religious institutions, personal experience…
Few of us have graduated from this form of sex ed sexually & emotionally satisfied. Collectively, we far too often experience sex that’s formulaic, dissatisfying, dutiful, shame-ridden & performative within relationships that too frequently feel mis-attuned. Most of us are left hurt & frustrated, without much idea how to cultivate the intimate lives we want.
I've spent the last 15 years learning about sex & relationships. I developed these workshops as a way to share the most transformative bits of this learning to empower others to navigate their intimate lives with some solid strategies to maximise pleasure, confidence & joy.