THE SEXUAL SCRIPT
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What even is sex?
How does one ‘lose their virginity’?
What do we have sex for?
Where do we learn about sex?
What is it that we learn?
What effects do these lessons have on us as people with particular genders, sexual orientations, socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities, abilities and bodies?
What does sex feel like?
What should sex feel like?
Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Our culture and history and experiences and politics all come with us into the bedroom. This workshop will provide the space for participants to reflect upon and challenge the sexual norms of our society, and the effect these have on our lives. Through interactive, guided discussions and activities with an experienced sex educator at this workshop we will unpack our ideas about what sex is, why we have it, where we learnt about it, what we learnt, what are the effects of these lessons and how might we overcome them.
We will-
- engage in discussions, activities and personal reflection to explore the questions above
- myth-bust common misconceptions about anatomy, arousal, desire and pleasure
- cultivate an atmosphere that is open-minded, kind and respectful to a variety of perspectives, sexual proclivities and ideas
- have a chill zone available throughout the workshop where anyone is welcome to retreat to if they feel overwhelmed / triggered
- have a No Questions Asked policy for anyone who leaves the workshop at any point
We won’t-
- do any sexual activity of any kind
- be asked or expected to share any personal information about our own sexual experiences / desires
- assume any knowledge prior to the workshop
- expect people to be familiar with any specific terminology
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This workshop is for you-
if you have ever had sex that felt underwhelming, boring, performative, routine, disappointing, painful or fake.
- if you have ever felt performance-anxiety , self-consciousness, body-consciousness, shame, disgust, awkwardness, embarrassment or overwhelm in a sexual scenario.
- if you’ve ever felt the weight of your own or another's expectations in a sexual scenario.
- if you’re interested in exploring WHY we have sex, and how successfully the sex we have lives up to the reasons we’re having it.
- if you’re queer and feel that the sex education you received didn’t prepare you for the reality and complexity of your emotional, psychological and physical sexual life.
- if you’re not queer and feel that the sex education you received didn’t prepare you for the reality and complexity of your emotional, psychological and physical sexual life.
- if you have any opinions whatsoever about pornography, or equally if you have no opinions at all about pornography.
- if you’ve ever acted like you’re enjoying sex more than you are actually enjoying it (faking orgasms / exaggerating sexy noises etc) and want to unpack some stuff about the performance of pleasure.
Do you enjoy the sex you choose to have? Does the sex you have live up to the reasons you're having it? Do you ever feel like you're following a sexual script?
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'BAD SEX'
What actually is consent?
What does it look like? What does it sound like? What does it feel like?
What is rape?
What is bad sex?
What does it mean to be coerced?
What’s the difference between seduction and coercion?
What gives someone the capacity to consent?
What constitutes ‘reasonable grounds’ to believe consent has been granted?
How do you know if someone has the capacity to consent if you don’t have the capacity to consent?
What gives someone power in a sexual encounter?
Is it possible to consent to sex that you do not want to have?
Are there better or worse reasons to consent to sex?
This workshop explores the complexity of sexual consent and the differences between good sex, bad sex and rape- a personally and politically fraught subject that is too often handled without nuance, compassion or kindness. Asking these frank and uncomfortable questions is crucial to cultivating a thoughtful and honest understanding of what it actually means to consent to have sex with someone, and what it means not to.
We will-
- engage in discussions, activities and personal reflection to explore the questions above
- be facilitated with sensitivity to the diversity of experience in the room (including survivors, bystanders and perpetrators)
- cultivate an atmosphere that is open-minded, kind and respectful to a variety of perspectives, sexual proclivities and ideas
- have a chill zone available throughout the workshop where anyone is welcome to retreat to if they feel overwhelmed / triggered
- have a No Questions Asked policy for anyone who leaves the workshop at any point
We won’t-
- do any sexual activity of any kind
- be asked or expected to share any personal information about our own sexual experiences
- assume any knowledge prior to the workshop
- expect people to be familiar with any specific terminology
TRAUMA ISN'T SEXY
What is trauma?
What is the relation between a traumatic experience and post-traumatic stress?
What is ‘survival mode’ and how does it manifest?
What is happening in our bodies when we feel scared or angry or anxious or depressed or dissociated?
What is the relation between trauma and our mental health?
What actually is a ‘trigger’ and what is going on when we are triggered?
What’s the relationship between sexual desire and trauma and how might this manifest for different people?
Why do people keep telling us to meditate or do yoga?
This workshop is an opportunity to develop an understanding of what trauma is and how it operates in our bodies and minds. This workshop aims to empower participants by providing psycho-education on trauma theory, as well as providing a calm, non-judgmental space in which participants are invited to reflect on their own experiences.
We will-
- engage in discussions, activities and personal reflection to explore the questions above
- cultivate an atmosphere that is open-minded, kind and respectful to a variety of perspectives, sexual proclivities and ideas
- have a chill zone available throughout the workshop where anyone is welcome to retreat to if they feel overwhelmed / triggered
- have a No Questions Asked policy for anyone who leaves the workshop at any point
​
We won’t-
- do any sexual activity of any kind
- be asked or expected to share any personal information about our own sexual experiences
- assume any knowledge prior to the workshop
- expect people to be familiar with any specific terminology
PLEASURE
Why do we have sex?
What does pleasure feel like?
What are the differences between pleasurable thoughts, feelings and sensations?
What are the different kinds of pleasure?
What obstructs pleasure?
What makes it difficult to ask for what we want?
What do we do instead of just asking for what we want?
What dynamics are at play in a sexual encounter?
What effect does the Sexual Script have on the pleasure we experience when having sex?
What strategies can we use to overcome performance anxiety, self-consciousness and shame when having sex with ourselves or our partner(s)?
In what ways can we go off-script, and maximise the pleasure we experience when havin sex?
Quite rightly, those of us involved in work to do with sex and gender spend a lot of time focusing on sexual violence- its causes and effects and ways we can prevent it and support those who have survived it. What is often missing or marginalised in these conversations is an exploration of why many of us have sex in the first place- for pleasure. This workshop is an inclusive and sex-positivel investigation into what sexual pleasure means and an exploration of ways to experience as much of it as possible.
We will-
- engage in discussions, activities and personal reflection to explore the questions above
- myth-bust common misconceptions about anatomy, arousal, desire and pleasure
- cultivate an atmosphere that is open-minded, kind and respectful to a variety of perspectives, sexual proclivities and ideas
- have a chill zone available throughout the workshop where anyone is welcome to retreat to if they feel overwhelmed / triggered
- have a No Questions Asked policy for anyone who leaves the workshop at any point
We won’t-
- do any sexual activity of any kind
- be asked or expected to share any personal information about our own sexual experiences / desires
- assume any knowledge prior to the workshop
- expect people to be familiar with any specific terminology